How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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