saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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