Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize