have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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