her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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