he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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