my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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