IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
