I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
