Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
