you guys were way drunker than both of me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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