Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
