So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize