FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
