hotel room ftw
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
