Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
