New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
