When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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