You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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