I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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