He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
