I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
