some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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