I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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