I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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