There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
