1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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