there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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