I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
