his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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