So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
