I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
