I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
