DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize