I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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