Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
