I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
