I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
