1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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