he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize