So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
