I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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