i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
