Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
