Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize