my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
