i think my tv is drunk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
