the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
