dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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