I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
