we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
