True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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