Sponge bath it is.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
