At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
