I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize