We're like a lot better than the average bears
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and she was petting her beer can
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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