Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
