We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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