it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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