we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
