Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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