Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
