Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize