I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
