Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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