if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
