Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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