I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
