Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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