You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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