maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
