i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
