he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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