Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
