I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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