did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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