I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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