Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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