I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
