Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
