My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
