oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
