Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
