so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
