Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
