Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
