Non-Jews are for practice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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