He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
