Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
