No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
