I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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