i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
