and you said cock pushups were impossible
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
