I am in a vortex of obligation.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
