He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
