He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
