I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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