i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
